Separated parents: Tips for overcoming school-related challenges
Today, many parents who are separated share joint custody of their children. Naturally, the ideal scenario is to establish a good co-parenting relationship with your ex. But what exactly is co-parenting? It can be defined as a healthy partnership between parents who, despite being separated, continue working together to provide for their children’s needs. Through mutual good faith, they’re able to ensure structure and consistency in their kids’ lives.
How to foster academic success after a divorce or separation
Keys to success: Flexibility, communication, organization
It’s important for parents who share custody of their child to be flexible, to communicate, and to stay organized, especially when it comes to school. Here are some points worth discussing regularly to ensure a strong and effective co-parenting relationship.
- Supervision of homework and lesson review
- What time should homework and lesson review be done (e.g., right after school, before or after dinner) and what will the routine be?
- Since the teacher hands out weekly homework plans on Fridays, should some of the weekend be spent on homework so that there’s less to do during the week?
- How much should you help or supervise your child during homework time (this can be re-evaluated each year as they become more autonomous)?
- Communication between schools and parents
- Who will attend parent-teacher meetings—one parent or both? Will you alternate depending on which parent is available? How will that parent pass on important information to the other parent (e.g., by phone or email, face-to-face)?
- Who will respond to emails from the teacher or principal? Will that parent ensure that the other is informed of these communications?
- Who will be responsible for receiving and paying bills (e.g., daycare, activities) and buying school supplies?
- Access to your child’s school things
- What happens if your child forgets something they need for school at either parent’s home (e.g., the parent will bring over the item or scan and email the necessary pages)?
- Help your child become more responsible by making a list of what they need to bring to the other parent’s home at the end of each week (e.g., school supplies, sports equipment, clothing). Make sure the list is put up in both parents’ homes.
When parents establish an overall plan and come up with solutions in advance, they’re less inclined to panic or, worse still, resort to playing the blame game.
Two parents, one team
There’s no need for both parents to have exactly the same rules or schedules. Together or apart, they’ll always be two separate individuals. Every year, kids adapt to new teachers. They can also adapt to differences between their two parents. That said, agreeing on some general principles before stressful situations arise will help limit conflicts and emotional upheaval.
Putting your child first
Last, but certainly not least, make sure to consider your child’s preferences and opinions. They might have some good ideas or want to give their input on what routines work best for them. As your child gets older and becomes more responsible and independent, you’ll no longer need to communicate as often with their other parent. You’ll be able to take pride in the fact that you were able to come together when it was necessary, for the good of your child!
